


I just wanna make you feel okay but all you do is look the other way

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Baristas, Did I say angst?, Fluff and Angst, Librarians, M/M, Oblivious John, and they were soulmates (ohmygod they're soulmates), angelica and john CHURCH NOT LAURENS, barista x librarian au????????, just like soft undertones of coffee shops, lafayette and hercules on the side, maria and eliza on the side, that's alex, that's john, this is a mess im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:28:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22657042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "I bet you'll say I’m supposed to meet my soulmate, and know in an instant, and then we’re supposed to grow older together and live happily ever after. I’ve seen it happen over and over again. The whole system is flawed. It's not real, for fuck's sake! So why can’t I stop thinking about a stupid guy I met? Why, Laf?"-AU where people age until they reach 18 and then stop aging until they meet their soulmate so they can grow old together.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	1. My turn to ignore ya (Don't say I didn't warn ya)

John’s breath fogs up the glass of the mirror he’s facing as he lets out a heavy sigh, eyes taking one more examining look over his appearance. Same honey colored skin, same dark brown hair. Same smile, same freckles all over his face. Once again, nothing had changed.

He was five years old when her mother had gently explained the whole concept of soulmates as they knew it - that once you reached your 18th birthday, your body simply stopped ageing, and the only way to kick it back into gear was to meet your soulmate. 

To a young and idealistic John, it had seemed like the Ultimate Romantic Notion - that you couldn’t possibly grow old until you’d found the right person to grow old with. It sounded so amazing, so perfectly made. And in his early teens, when appearances and vanities paid more value than they should, he had been in no hurry to find The One. Until he’d reached his Age Limit of 18 and realized that beauty lay within those who had found their other half. Wrinkles and streaks of grey in heads of hair were enviable, not feared. The lucky ones would walk the streets with pride, unable to bridle their joy as they gripped their partner’s hand with their own. 

Watching his family and friends grow older while he remained stagnant never seemed to get easier for John. Standing in the sidelines as the next phase of their life would begin, he couldn’t deny that it stung a little when his sister, Martha, had salt and pepper highlights in her previously brown, curly hair at the last Laurens’ family gathering. 

John turns his head in profile one last time, a discerning eye tracing his hairline before giving up, shaking his head. Last night he had been on a date with a man named Gabe (a match from an online dating app that he’s definitely going to delete), and at the end of the night he honestly had felt as though things could be … kind of promising. He was handsome, with similar interests to him, and while he spoke about investment banking maybe a little more than John would have liked, he certainly seemed like a worthy option when it came to his soulmate. And so, with the freshly risen daylight’s sunbeams streaking through the windows of his apartment, and his alarm buzzing incessantly beside him, John had jumped out of bed, practically running to the mirror.

However, it would appear Gabe was not a match. His appearance had not changed in the slightest. And today was just going to be another day, like all the others, without John knowing his soulmate. 

He gets ready for work –a 4-hours shift at his local coffee shop inside Mrs Washington’s library--- one last glance at his reflection as he tucks his bun and turns to leave. Perhaps the universe had a point - Gabe was definitely not the one for him. But … he had to be out there, somewhere. It had to be a man; John would never be able to spend the rest of eternity with a woman by his side. And if it was the case, well, John guessed they could still be platonic soulmates.

It’s another 6 hours before John is shuffling into his apartment again, finally home after what can only be described as a less than mediocre day. Customers all seemed to be angry, lacking patience and manners.

Exhausted, he had been on his way to Lafayette’s baking station in the back of the shop to tell him goodbye, when he noticed something that stopped John in his tracks. Lafayette had greys. Only a few, and still ashy enough that it wasn’t immediately noticeable.

But they had greys. Which meant that they were ageing. Which also meant that they had found their soulmate. 

Their partner had looked up, eyes turning apologetic as they noticed John watching them, and began to explain. “Oh, John. His name is Hercules. I didn’t expect to - ” John raised his hand, halting the conversation as he smiled.

“It’s fine, Laf. Great, actually. I’m really happy for you.” 

“Amazing ‘cause I want you to meet him and one of my new friend. How drinks after work sounds, mon ami?” Lafayette asked, trying to cheer up their friend.

“I got plans,” John lied “Maybe another day. I’m sure he’s amazing, Laf.”

Lafayette shrugged, going back to his task. “As you say, _Jean.”_

John was simply not interested to third-wheel Lafayette and their soulmate tonight. He had enough bullshit to deal with today, and he was little bit jealous. Kinda defeated. And almost certain that his soulmate simply didn’t exist. But mainly, happy for Lafayette. 

“Anyways,” John started, heading to the door, “I’m done for the day, I’ll guess I’ll see you tomorrow”

“See you, uh, later John”

John rushed to the front door of the shop, trying to get out as quickly as possible when he bumped into something---someone. Someone who looked like he didn’t know what sleep was, or Microsoft Word for that matter; sheets—essays---- were covering the floor alongside notes, pamphlets and news articles.

“I’m so sorry man,” John quickly apologized, “Here, let me help you clean that up”

The stranger kneeled, and quickly tried to push all of his papers in his brown, old messenger bag.

“I got it, don’t worry yourself...?” the other man spoke, standing up, and looked at John a bit too long for this to be strictly platonic. His eyes were a shade of dark brown, eyes where John could get lost in. A face covered by dark circles and a goatee.

“John,” he answered once he got that it was a question, not a statement. John tried to form a sentence, anything -- _How are you, What’s your name, Marry me please----_ but nothing would come out. _Congrats John. You see a cute guy and you forget basic English._

John blushed. This handsome boy –and oh, did he know it----would be the death of him.

_Too bad his soulmate didn’t exist._

The person suddenly cut the unintentional silence between them. “You work here, right?” he said, pointing at John’s uniform.

“Um, yeah, why?”

“Do you, by any means, know Lafayette? They told me to meet them here.” Alexander questioned.

“Oh.”

He was probably Lafayette’s Hercules. Their soulmate. Of course, who else would come to Lafayette’s workplace to see him?

Another cute guy that wasn’t John soulmate.

It hurted to think about. Even his closest friends were meeting their soulmates. Eliza had met Maria while picking up flowers for Peggy a year ago. Maria, at the time, was working at a small flower shop when Eliza came to buy flowers for her reckless sister as a “get well soon present”; the poor Peggy had fallen off the stairs, slipping on her own gown.

Eliza and Maria would sometime talk adoption, but never in front of John, out of pity.

Angelica had met her lovely husband, also named John, at one of her dad’s galas few months ago. The pair fell over their shared passion for foreign affairs and politics. The very next morning, the oldest of the Schuyler’s sisters woke up with grey curls in her hair. She had invited John to celebrate over brunch at the Schuyler’s mansion, upstate. Angelica and John were already talking about moving to London.

Laurens had to wait for it.

“Yeah I know them. They’re one of my best friends. Laf should be there,” John finally said, pointing a door to Alexander “but I suggest you wait for them here.”

Alexander smiled. “Thanks man. Would you like to wait here with me? We’re going for drinks after, you could join us?”

Alexander grasped at an opportunity to stay close to John. Alexander had the urge to get to know him, to get to know what he liked (hopefully men) and what he hated. Alex could listen to John’s soft voice for hours on end, and he wouldn’t get bored.

_Here you go again catching feelings for someone who will forget you when they’ll meet their soulmate._

“Sorry, kinda have plans.” _Plans featuring eating my feelings and crying myself to sleep._

“Oh okay. I mean it would’ve been fun, but I-“ Alexander was suddenly stopped by their favorite Frenchman Lafayette, bursting out of the kitchen and rambling in a rapid French. John quickly got out of the scenery, hoping Lafayette didn’t notice him with their soulmate—or what John thought the stranger was to his best friend.

Now at home, John dumps his bag onto its respective hook, kicking off his shoes near the doorway and putting a hoodie on before heading towards the kitchen. He’s desperate for a Sam Adams to take the edge off his less than average day. Clearly, the whole soulmate thing was never going to happen to him, and tonight was as good a night as any to enjoy a beer—or 3.

And if, long gone after bed, greys started to make their way through John’s messy brown curls, and the cause of said greys texted him, John would only notice it in the morning

**Unknown number, 3:04 AM:**

If it takes sleep deprivation for us to meet, it will have been worth it ;)


	2. And I know it makes you nervous but I promise you, it's worth it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what if we met? and we woke up older as a warning sign that we're?? soulmates??? and we live happily ever after???? unless...
> 
> TW: Minor death discussion (Alexander’s memories of his mother. No explicit description). Stay safe you lovely readers!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? writing chapters for this fic instead of doing my homework? more likely than you think.  
> hope you enjoy and please!! i beg you!!! leave me a precious comment if you like it!!!

His hair hurts. Which John knew wasn’t possible, because hair didn’t have nerve endings, and therefore couldn’t possibly be hurting. _Technically._ But his head definitely did, and it hurt. 

What the hell happened last night?

Pushing his head further into the pillow, John lets out a groan as the rest of his body begins to wake up. Suddenly, it wasn’t just his head or his heart. Everything hurt. And the memories from yesterday seem to be sliding further from his grasp.

John managed to push himself off his bed to grab some Advils in the bathroom. The pain was unbearable, it fell like he was the object of a mysterious and sketchy sacrifice. As he reached for the cabinet, his eyes spotted something new on his head.

“OH MY FUCKING GOD” John yelled as he noticed the pale grey strands in his hair. He leaned closer to the mirror, eyes widening in shock as his hands dive towards his hair, watching the rest it cascades from his fingertips as the lighter color remains. John had greys. His body had started ageing, which meant he met his soulmate.

He met his soulmate, yet he didn’t know who it was.

Unless he did.

-

**You to Unknown number, 8:43 AM:**

um im sorry but, do i know you???

**You to Unknown number, 8:51 AM:**

oh FUCK wait are you the guy with the essays at the washington’s library and coffee shop???

**Unknown number, 8:52 AM:**

Why so curious, dearest?

-

This morning, Alexander had woken up with wrinkles around his eyes, an addition to his dark circles. The same wrinkles that he had seen appear on countless friends and families faces, and a sure sign that he had recently met his soulmate. The problem was, Alexander didn’t believe in the whole concept of soulmates.

Alexander had dedicated hours of forever lost sleep to prove his theory: People weren’t really soulmates, it was arrangements made by parents hungry for fame and power, arrangements made by jealous and envious people. It was simply hazard, not luck or destiny.

He had only been four years old when his parents had explained the soulmate rule to him, finally explaining that once the ageing gene kicked in, it would show rapid signs for the first week before returning to its regular rhythm, allowing each couple to age gracefully and live a long and happy life together. It’s the body’s way of letting you know when you’ve found The One, she had explained, pointing to the streaks of grey in her own hair with a wink. 

He had been seven years old when his mother had sat down with him again, makeup still smudged with tears as she explained that his father had decided to move out. That even though his dad was Rachel’s soulmate, he hadn’t been quite ready to believe in the idea himself, and that one day soon he would return, and things would get back on track. She was so insistent that Alexander still believed in the existence of a soulmate; that this was only a bump in the road, and even at seven Alexander desperately wanted to believe her, but he already didn’t. 

He was twelve when he asked his mother again about this fantastical notion of soulmates for the last time, his mind already leaning towards a life of eternal youth if the alternative was anything like what he’d seen. Rachel’s eyes fell, the wrinkles around them having grown more pronounced as the years wore on, and she did a terrible job of hiding her sadness before telling her little Alex that _he_ was now her soulmate - that her time with James was worth everything, because it had brought him and his brother into her life. 

Few weeks after, Rachel breathed her very last _‘Je t’aime’_ to a sobbing Alex, and just like that she was gone. Her green eyes observing the yellow sky of Nevis, and her ice-cold hand on Alex’s sweaty palm.

All this pain for Alex caused by the _oh-so-glorious_ soulmate rule; that if your soulmate’s affection would come to an end, so would your time on Earth. 

He loved his mother for trying, but when it came to finding a soulmate, Alexander had simply given up on believing.

Only now, his stupid face has begun creasing into tiny wrinkles around his eyes every time he blinks, and it seems as though the universe had other plans in store for him.

As far as Alexander was concerned though, this morning’s change in his appearance simply acted as more proof that the entire soulmate system was flawed. There was no way that he, Alexander Hamilton, a dropkick screw up from a broken family that spent his days studying in his dorm and his nights in the Washington’s Library, could possibly be destined to be with someone. 

Because if he was, and he ended up walking out the same way his dad had done so many times, Alex would be ruining their life as well as his own. Re-acting the nightmares that kept him up at night. And there was no way he was willing to live with that. Even if the thought of having someone to grow old with made his heart soar just a little bit. He settled for hook ups and dating people until they found out their soulmates, as they would leave Alex for their True One.

He recognizes the squelch of Hercules fancy sneakers before his friend has even made his way into his room, and frantically Alex picks up a random book, opening it and holding it up against his face as Hercules walks in.

“Ham? What’s going on? You’re being really weird this morning, you didn’t even touch the pot of coffee I just brewed. Anyway, I’m here to tell the gremlin to eat food, since I know you’d forget about it. And since when have you been into ‘Greek Economic System Between 1587 and 1876’?”

 _Huh?_ Glancing down at the pages still covering his face, Alex shrugs. He drops the heavy novel on his bed, looking in Herc’s direction briefly before brushing past him and heading towards the kitchen. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, buddy. It’s nothing. Everything’s fine.”

Alexander makes his way through the kitchen, eyes still trained to the tiles, and with an exasperated sigh he stops, turning quickly and without warning, grunting when his friend crashes into him. “Oof!”

“Sorry, Hammie. But there’s something off about you, and I just wish you would tell -” Hercules’ words fade into silence, hands reaching up to cover his mouth, and with a furrowed brow Alex hesitates before looking at his best friend. And bless him, he’s trying so hard to keep his glee contained, but it’s too late, and with a resigned shrug of his shoulders, Alex nods in admittance at his friend.

“You did it! You found your soulmate! My boy is growin’ up” Hercules gives him a tap on the back, then proceeds to pretend to wipe a tear.

Jake winces. “You, out of all people, should know that I don’t believe in that bullshit. Except you and Laf, I knew you two were made for each other.”

“Right, right. Childhood trauma and all. I’m cool, Alex. This is totally cool. You’ve met the person you’re destined to be with. That’s totally … cool.”

Rolling his eyes in response, Alex shrugs off his friend’s excitement, turning back towards the kitchen under the guise of helping set it all up for the afternoon rush. “Like I said, Herc. It’s nothing. This whole soulmate thing is ridiculous, and me suddenly having wrinkles doesn’t mean anything.”

“Uh, yeah right. Except it means everything, Alex!” Hercules counters, before gasping. “Who do you think it is?”

-

**cute guy from coffee shop, 9:14 AM:**

~~um ‘cause maybe you’re the last person i’ve seen yesterday and now i have grey fucking hair and my friend thinks ur my soulmate~~ [ **DELETED TEXT** ] 

**cute guy from coffee shop, 9:14 AM:**

~~im very helpless and i meet hundred of people everyday at work but meeting you felt special and the only thing i can remember from yesterday is your face~~ [ **DELETED TEXT** ] ~~~~

**cute guy from coffee shop, 9:16 AM:**

how did you get my number???

and also

you never told me your name, _dear boy._

**You to cute guy from coffee shop, 9:16 AM:**

1) Lafayette gave it to me. They said, I quote, that you were really lonely and needed friends. I guessed that I could fit those requirements. Plus you’re like super cute and all, so how can I resist.

2) It’s Alexander, Alexander Hamilton.

3) Disclaimer: Can we avoid the topic of soulmates, please? I do not believe in this bullshit of a system.

-

_Great. Just fucking amazing._

The very same day John founds his soulmate, the presumed True One reveals to him that he does not believe in the whole reason of John’s existence.

**Author's Note:**

> yes, they will end up together. i may be a angst fan, but everyone loves a happy ending :))  
> this was at first a angsty little one shot, but i changed it to make it multi chapter!!
> 
> kudos are my life and comments are my blood


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